(One of several essays I've written, which I then used for Sacrament meeting talks. Also available in German.)
Some
time ago I went out to eat at a nice restaurant. After contemplating the
extensive menu, I finally selected and ordered what promised to be a delicious
meal. When my plate was served, however, it did not appear as I expected and I
questioned the waiter whether this was really what I had ordered. He assured me
it was, so I decided to give it a try. But I just didn’t like it. In my more
timid youth, I would never had said anything, even if the order was completely
wrong. But when I thought of how much I was going to be paying for this dish,
and the high hopes I had for it, I decided to be more assertive and politely
asked the waiter if I could have something different. He was very accommodating
and said something to the effect of: “Certainly. Life’s too short to have to
eat something you don’t like.” When the new dish arrived, it was delicious, and
the evening went more like I had hoped it would.
A few
months later I received some disappointing news – something I had worked and
prayed for wasn’t going to happen. After a heavy sigh, I thought to myself: “I’ve
tried so hard, and this is what I get…. I didn’t order this. Send it back!” I
had to chuckle, since my comment must have drawn upon my experience in the
restaurant. Which made me ask myself: how much have I been treating my Heavenly
Father like a waiter? How many of my prayers have been like ordering off a
menu? “I’ll take one of those, and one of those, and… because I’ve been
particularly good, one of those.” And then when the blessings arrive, disguised
as everyday circumstances, I reject them because they’re not exactly what I
ordered. Or if the blessings don’t come at all, I wonder about the level of
service I’m getting.
All
kidding aside, how many times have I been disappointed that my prayers were not
answered just how I thought they should have been. How many times have I prayed
for health and still gotten sick? How many times have I prayed for adequate
financial success and still suffered setbacks? If I started to make a list of
all the things I asked for and didn’t get, the list would be long and
discouraging. I may be tempted to tally up the times I asked for bread, but was
given a stone (see Matthew 7:9), or at least that’s what it looked like to me.
But how would this help? How would this lead me to “praise God, from whom all
blessings flow”? (Hymn 242) And most importantly, what would this do to my
relationship with my Father in Heaven?
One of
the things I’ve learned over the years is that expectations—those often
unspoken things we want from another person—can be one of the hardest things on
a relationship, especially if those expectations are unfulfilled. The greater
the expectations, the greater the potential for disappointment. But I realized
I was putting unfair expectations on my Heavenly Father, without fully
consulting Him. I was expecting Him to follow my commands, as if He were my
waiter, my genie, my grantor of wishes. I wondered why, if I was created in His
image, was I trying to mold God to my own idea of what He should be? When
expectations are shattered, and tragedy leads to despair, am I quick to accuse
God of not following my plan, or even to question His existence: “How could a
loving God allow this to happen?”
It is
in those moments of greatest anguish, when I may feel most forsaken and
forgotten, that I can reach out to my Heavenly Father and learn of His love for
me. Rather than throw out an accusing, rhetorical question such as “why are You
doing this to me?”, I can approach my Father in Heaven in meekness, seeking
wisdom and understanding, and most of all, patience. Answers may not come
quickly, or in the manner I expect, or perhaps not at all. But comfort and
closeness can come just in the asking. Talking with Him and attentively listening,
exercising humility and expressing gratitude for the blessings I enjoy – in
spite of losses and heartaches, I can begin to know God as He really is, rather
than simply how I think He ought to be. I have come to realize that some things
that seem negative in my life are not so much hurtful as they are simply
contrary to what I had planned on. I have come to know that sometimes bad things
happen because of my own choices, or because of other people’s choices, or
because the Lord is refining me (Isaiah 48:10) or accomplishing some other
work. Or perhaps I am just experiencing one of the effects of life on this
earth with its natural laws, which was also part of the plan of happiness which
I joyfully embraced. I have a testimony that the Lord can intervene in
miraculous ways to shield us from misfortune, but in His wisdom may not always
do so. And He will never bless us by forcing someone else to behave a certain
way, negating that person’s agency.
I
recently read something President Boyd K. Packer taught on this subject: “Until
you have a broad perspective of the eternal nature of [the plan], you won’t
make much sense out of the inequities in life. Some are born with so little and
others with so much. Some are born in poverty, with handicaps, with pain, with
suffering. Some experience premature death, even innocent children. There are
the brutal, unforgiving forces of nature and the brutality of man to man. We
have seen a lot of that recently.
“Do not
suppose that God willfully causes
that which, for His own purposes, he permits.
When you know the plan and the purpose of it all, even these things will
manifest a loving Father in Heaven” ( The Play and the Plan [satellite
broadcast, 7 May 1995], 1–2) [emphasis added].
In the
early days of the Church, many righteous members suffered painful, violent
persecution, just as many believers have throughout history. While crossing the
plains to the Salt Lake Valley, many saints were protected in miraculous ways,
while others suffered greatly or even died along the way. We need not assume
God loved some and not others. Rather, we can take comfort in the fact that He
knows and loves each one of us, even to the hairs on our head (Luke 12:6-7),
and will give those gifts best suited for each person individually. And as
painful as it may be, we can learn and grow from every experience. We are not
intended to go through life without any challenges or trials. Indeed, the Lord
has told us that we will have afflictions, but encourages us to be patient and
he will help us to bear them and become stronger for them. “Be patient in
afflictions, for thou shalt have many; but endure them, for, lo, I am with
thee, even unto the end of thy days.” (D&C 24:8. See also Alma 26:27-31 and
Mosiah 24:10-15.)
If we
realize that life may not go as we plan, that our prayers may not be answered
in the manner and time that we want, should we stop asking and stop striving?
Of course not! The Lord counseled us: “Draw near unto me and I will draw near
unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive;
knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” (D&C 88:63; see also Alma
34:17-27).
In our
Bible Dictionary, part of the definition of prayer teaches: “As soon as we
learn the true relationship in which we stand toward God (namely, God is our
Father, and we are His children), then at once prayer becomes natural and
instinctive on our part ( Matt. 7:7–11 ). Many of the so-called difficulties
about prayer arise from forgetting this relationship. Prayer is the act by
which the will of the Father and the will of the child are brought into
correspondence with each other. The object of prayer is not to change the will
of God but to secure for ourselves and for others blessings that God is already
willing to grant but that are made conditional on our asking for them.
Blessings require some work or effort on our part before we can obtain them.
Prayer is a form of work and is an appointed means for obtaining the highest of
all blessings.”
We are also
to be “anxiously engaged in a good cause… and bring to pass much righteousness”
(D&C 58:27-28). By serving others, we become instruments in the Lord’s hand
to answer their prayers, and we will begin to shed the selfishness that causes
us to question God’s love and His motives. To paraphrase John F. Kennedy: Ask not what God can do for you – ask God what
you can do for His children.
In
closing, let me share one of my favorite scriptures, from Moroni 7:48:
“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of
heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all
who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of
God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he
is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure.”
I am
finally comprehending that as I seek to know my Heavenly Father, and to become more
like Him, and stop treating Him like my personal waiter, I will build that
relationship of loving Father and obedient child, rather than the sometimes
willful child who does not always get what he wants. I will more clearly see
the countless blessings he has already bestowed on me. As I do so, I will be
better prepared to take on whatever life dishes out.
© 2014 Curt Whittaker
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